Lessons I learn from observing my mother

My mother is hearing-challenged and there were a lot of awful things said about it by neighbors and villagers. She appeared to take it in stride often hiding the hurt underneath. Negativity does not seem to consume her. Once my younger brother remarked that perhaps she has a longer life relative to her contemporaries and neighbors in the village was because she was kind to all: humans as well as animals. 

She was kind enough to give those in need whatever that she has and can share. I often find myself surprised when I returned home to find someone who was a total stranger staying for a day or two. They typically some women friends of hers from Southern Thailand who walked from village to village selling weaving mattress (tikar mengkuang). Mother would introduce me and those ladies were quick to compliment her in my presence of how grateful they were for her kindness.

There were times when the few youngs in the village violated the certain family codes and were chased away from their homes by their families. Such youthful transgressions were met with severe punitive sanctions. Rich persistent drama throughout human existence of biology versus moral codes, of curious cat-like explorations and experimentation. At times, hormones take precedence among these youthful village transgressors. Thus far I can recall two such couples: one was a distance relative but they remained closed to us as a family and the other was a youngest son of a neighbor next door. Those two couples both ended in my mother's house for a temporary stay that often lasted until such crises subsidized way into a few months. Mother housed them. They typically involved young couples who were married against the wishes of their parents. Now, whenever I am home visiting her, I often asked about those couples and she would update me of how they were doing. The same applies when it comes to relatives. Mother seems to never met a stranger. Her arms are often too wide and open.

When it comes to animals, she tended them generously. There were occasions when both my sister and brother would fuss over things that mother did to attend to those animals around the house and that she was encouraging them to stay and hang around the house, etc., etc., with consequential effects of them occupying the same space where their children roam to play outside in the yard without them worrying having to deal with natural biological effects of having animals around: yes, they poop whenever and wherever they want to with no consideration to man-made boundaries, limitations, rules and regulations. All my siblings care is providing my nieces and nephews with modern sterile hygienic surrounding where they can roam around the yard free and unencumbered with cats' and or chicken's poops. Due to my consistent and sustained irregular, infrequent, long spaced out between visits, and perhaps taking on the role as if I am a separate observer, watching and noting the interactions and family transactions, registering the sequences, changing the roles from that of a player and observer intermittently and frequently, forming instant alliances, dyads, triads, moving in and out of the thick family dynamics, all the while maintaining the stable family homeostasis [See - what professional training and occupation do to a person - another subtopic within this blog!!], I can't help myself but be amazed at each of the three of them and their take on life and things that surround them. To me being in the midst of the transactions serves to strengthen and deepen my love and admiration to each of them. How blessed I feel and I can not ask for a better mother, brother and sister. I will go to my grave thanking for having them in my life. My brother often commented that mother would go out of her ways to tend to chickens and hens and cats and that perhaps these animals repaid mother's gracious kindness by asking the Creator/Maker to bless her in completing the balancing dynamics of existence.

Oh mother, how I love thee. . .

A nephew found this old picture of hers;

My guess is that this was taken way in the early 1960s and 1970s. During this time period, most Malay Muslims women do not wear hijab as they do now. Wearing hijab has become more pronounced after the Iranian revolution and the increasing "Islamization" and "Arab-centric" crept its way to peaceful land of Southeast Asia and Malaysia included. Now we can hardly see any Malay Muslim women without wearing hijab especially when they are outside of their houses.

[more to come]

You can't take the scouting out of a boy!

One of the experiences growing up that I cherish is that of being in a Boy Scout. I began my scouting when I left a primary school in my village of Pak Badol (Sekolah Kebangsaan Pak Badol), and my parents enrolled me in a remove class, a transition class of a year on intensive English instruction from Malay medium of instruction during the primary years. The year was 1969 if I recall correctly when I was at Sekolah Menengah Kamil, in Pasir Puteh, some 12 miles from home and I resided in the school hostel. Boy Scout is one of the extra-curricular activities that students were encouraged to join and there I was.

I joined as a regular member but soon was nagged to take on leadership roles. Talk about peer pressure and a scout leader I remained. Our usual get-together were full of fun and we ventured to hold campfires on school grounds and on numerous occasions we travelled to area beaches to camp.

I did not know why I took to scouting but it tended to hang on me. During those years, I remember hiking in hot sun through the remote villages and crossing a swamp, using a compass for a merit badge was very appealing to me. Perhaps it was because of a simple challenge with an equally simple response: "just to do it" and quit talking that makes an awful lots of sense. We started from  an old unused airport landing runaway at Gong Kedak. It was built by the British during WW2 and I heard that now it has been upgraded to become an active airforce base. During those days, when we were there, there was not a single soul visible. It was concrete runnaways baked in hot tropical sun surrounded by mangrove plants. But from there, we started our hiking using a compas and a map heading for the Semerak beach (now known as Pantai Bisikan Bayu?)

This is a 1969 picture of my troop at Sekolah Menengah Kamil, Pasir Putih, Kelantan, Malaysia.

This was in 1971 while I was at Sekolah Menengah Kamil, Pasir Puteh, Kelantan. The picture was taken on school campus ground. I was the troop leader. Fifth from the left in the middle row.

This was in 1974 while I was at Sekolah Menengah Sains Pulau Pinang, Bukit Mertajam. I think the picture was taken when we camped at Pantai Merdeka. I also was a troop leader. Second from the top left

This was in 1981 while I was at Camp Blackhawk, Owasippe Scout Reservation, near Muskegon, Michigan. Sixth from the left on bottom row. To my fellow scouts, I was affectionately referred to or known as "Phred" (to this day, I might add!).

[more to come]